EFT on Anger and Craving for Love

Love in the Spring

Wisdom from the book “Come and See for Yourself” by Ayya Khema: Anger and our craving to be loved are two sides of the same coin. In each case we have the same underlying difficulty. If someone hurts us, it may express their lack of love, but it could be because they didn’t feel well or even that they just don’t know how to deal with people. To us, however, their conduct comes across as rejection. If we want to be loved but are not shown any we will become sad and then angry.

If you are new to EFT and tapping please check the section on EFT Basics for the basic tapping technique.

Tap until intensity of emotion is 1 or 2: “I am angry and resentful, because I feel rejected, offended, betrayed, sidelined, outcast, annihilated…… unloved and unappreciated. ”

When intensity of emotion is low, use the following statements to reframe, repeat as needed – to speak to the heart, speak s—-l—-o–w…..:

“I now see that the desire to be loved and appreciated is only a function of the concept of “I”. If I’m are so unsure whether I am lovable or not that I prefer to leave the decision to others, then I am lost, because everyone regularly changes their opinions, as I do. I now choose to know that everyone is lovable, just as everyone has faults, everyone is still worthy of love.

I choose to recognise that I don’t need to find someone else to love me, as the true source of love is found within. There is no need to be angry or even unhappy if someone else doesn’t seem to care about me. Maybe they are not yet fully able to love unconditionally, just as maybe I am not fully able to love unconditionally. May be they were just being unmindful or unskilful, or maybe they are stressed, frustrated, or having some drama of their own, just as I am having a drama of my own.

All I need to do to have love, is to fill my heart with love. I now choose to direct my heart towards love, and when love becomes a quality of my heart, it is no longer important whether other people return my love or not, whether the other person loves or cannot love makes no difference to me. If I choose to give up anger and resentment, I can also give up seeking love from others, then the whole problem is resolved, because anger and resentment cannot arise in a heart full of love.

I recognise that feelings are fickle and the heart is unstable, and all humans have their own fallibility. If we can gain independence from the power of other people’s emotions, and from external circumstances by cultivating the inner power of love, then we can be truly happy. I now choose to cultivate my inner power of love. I now choose, with a calm and quiet mind, with a balanced and equanamous mind, to embrace my anger and resentment, to allow them to heal, and to fill my heart with love.”

True Forgiveness is Freedom

Healing Tears

This was written for a client who needed help in achieving a true and lasting forgiveness  (as oppose to temporary suppression with the distinct certainty of lashing out on reflex). This can be used generally for when you find it hard to forgive and let go, and you care enough to want to.

If you are new to EFT and tapping please check the section on EFT Basics for the basic tapping technique. Please also include the karate chop point or the psychological reversal point as part of your routine. You may also want to repeat each paragraph once or twice  until you feel the intensity subside before moving on to the next one. Take it slow and let it work. Some of this is meant to be provocative, some of it is meant to inject humour in a tense situation. It may not work for everyone, please amend according to your own needs and nature. Good luck.

“I have so many conflicted thoughts about this issue. I don’t understand how  he/she could do this to me…… Parts of me want to forgive and move on, other parts of me want to bash his brains in and gorge his eyes out, may be swipe him with a tiger’s claw (well, you get the picture, use your own words)….. I acknowledge the hurt, anger, betrayal, hate, helplessness, bereavement, insecurity, alienation (add emotions that you feel) inside, there isn’t anyone I could tell this to, I am all alone. I embrace all the parts of me who are hurting, fearful and angry. I acknowledge that you all have a right to be here, and that the emotions you feel are valid. I embrace you, and thank you for carrying all my pain.

Parts of me feel justified in holding on to my anger, because my anger protects me, because I am entitled to my anger, because he deserves my anger. My anger gives me a high, letting go of my anger may mean that I only feel grief and fear, I don’t want to let my anger go. I am may be even enjoying my anger. I enjoy holding this over his/her head. I like the idea that I can swipe at him/her and take revenge whenever he/she least expects me. I have a right to swipe, and I like that. I thank my anger for wanting to protect me.

I acknowledge that there are all these conflicted emotions and thoughts within me, and it’s ok to be not ok. But there are other parts of me who want to be ready to move on, and leave the past in the past, parts of me who want to experience real forgiveness, so that the past does not taint my future, so that I can live anger-free / fear-free / grief-free / pain-free from this event, may be sometime today, may be sometime tomorrow. I ask my subconscious mind to find a few other ways for me to express my positive intention behind my anger/fear/grief/pain, so that I can be free of my anger/fear/grief/pain, and so that I can forgive and have true freedom to live my life without reference to this event/person.

I was hurt, but i now choose to heal my wounded children within, I now choose to be at the highest expression of who I am. I choose to be calm, confident, free and strong. I choose to be happy. I choose to be still. I choose peace.

I choose to truely forgive and release, because I choose freedom from this. True forgiveness is freedom.”