EFT for Letting go of “I am the Victim” Paradigm

Sometimes we just find it very hard to heal. We go around in circles, and find it hard to break free. We’ve had years of illness, bad luck, and maybe a victim mentality. The same reality repeats, again and again and again.

Ten of Swords: bottoming out, victim mentality, martyrdom
In this particular case, K had major triggering event in childhood she named ‘total devastation’. These statements were crafted to allow her to see that she somehow perpetuated this reality, stretched the moment and clung to it. She chose it, and therefore have the power to choose to change it. It’s about letting go of the idea of ‘I’ being the victim, ‘I’ being alone and in need while everyone else is having a good time. It was designed to be slightly provocative ,to engage the ego and dig out emotions which may be hidden. Also it’s meant to suggest to the user to let the ‘victim’ go, but in the event that he or she isn’t quite ready yet, it doesn’t push the envelope. Caution: This can only be used with skill and compassion, and isn’t meant for everyone. Please use with care.

If you are new to EFT and tapping please check the section on EFT Basics for the basic tapping technique.

1. Repeat 3 times: “I need to hang on to this ‘total devastation’. So that I can blame someone else. So that I can hold the world responsible for my misery. So I don’t have to take responsibility for myself. The world owes me, so-and-so owes me, they are responsible for my suffering, my pain.

2. just once: I’ll show them, I’ll make them sorry for hurting me, I’m going to be really, really sick, and then they’ll be sorry. They’ll be sorry for me, and give me attention, and love me. Poor me, look at me, negative attention is better than no attention. I need this ‘total devastation’ to protect me, from having to take responsibility, because I know I’m not good enough. I can’t take care of myself. I’m only a child inside, I can’t cope. I need you to take care of me. I need to be nurtured. I need to be loved. I need. I want. Nobody wants me. There’s only me in my world. I’m all alone in my world of me. I need to make people notice me.

3. Repeat 2 times: Even though I still need this piece of juicy melodrama, I’m now ready to think about letting it go. The more I think of ‘me’, ‘poor me’, ‘woe is me’, the more I box ‘myself’ into my lonely world of one. If only I can find another way of being, I just might be ready to let go. If only I can choose to be calm and confident; to include other people in my world, I might start to think about letting my melodrama go. If only it’s possible to let go of this siege mentality and enjoy being humble, selfless, and free. If only I knew what it feels like to be loving without expectations, to be open and giving, I might be willing to let the ‘victim’ go. If I was strong enough to have compassion and wisdom, and think more of others than of me, I will let the ‘victim’ rest, I will let my ‘I’ rest. I might be able to find the courage to let go of the river bank and flow into the river of life. But for now, I’m ok being who I am, and where I am. I have free choice.”

Spiritual Tapping: Enneagram Type Six

Courage Within

This sequence is for Enneagram Type Sixes who want to do deeper work in integrating their personality. Please tap daily for about 7 days, either morning or evening, making sure that in each day, you find some quiet time for yourself to do this. Leave it alone for 7 days, then look at these statements again. You may have some new insights or memories relevant to the development of your Enneagram Type. You can tap on these or ask me if you need help.

If you are new to the Enneagram, EFT and tapping, please first refer to these sections:

EFT Basics

Tapping for Enneagram Types


1. Please start the tapping with the point under your left shoulder (Reset Button), do 3 rounds of the following statements.:
“I have a basic fear of  being without support and guidance, of being lost and without orientation, the world feels like quick-sand, I have no inner guidance.
I have a basic desire to find a trustworthy orientation so that I can be secure and supported, usually I look for this outside of myself. I am so afraid of  loosing my security, my feeling of belonging

I need to have security, to feel supported, to have the approval of others. I need to test the attitudes of others toward me, I need to defend my beliefs.

I’m only good or OK if I cover all the bases and do what is expected of me, the committee in my head says so… you are only good or OK if you cover all the bases and do what is expected of you…. But I still feel anxious and fearful no matter how hard I work…. I’m lost, alone , vulnerable, unprotected and unsafe.
But in my heart of hearts, I know my essential nature, I have  true INNER GUIDANCE and AWAKENESS within.
All my emotional upheaval is just my ego experiencing itself in my personality. BUT I am more than my ego, I am more than my personality, I am more than my emotions, I am more than my thoughts, I am more than my anxiety . I am life beyond boundaries. I deeply and completely love and accept myself, I forgive myself, and anyone else who contributed to this situation.”

2. Now just do normal tapping, also 3 rounds:

These are the statements that reflect the emotions, and you can change or add as you feel. Just don’t do too many at one time or you might feel overwhelmed:

“I feel over-extended but guilty and ashamed all the time, I’m not good enough no matter what I do.

I have no power, no voice, and no rights, and other people are victimising me. But if I speak up then I will loose what support I have.

I have so much anxiety, because people and the world gang up on me, I’m suspicious of everyone. People are against me.

I feel defeated, conquered, beaten by life. I feel desperate, helpless and panic stricken. I am carried away by every negative emotion, I have no control over how I feel.

I feel abandoned and alone in the world. My head is spinning with anxious thoughts, and I can’t stop.

I am tired of feeling this way. I am struggling with a cocktail of emotions that is not really helping me. I am reacting all the time with attachment and aversion, I’m tired of all this. I have no control. The problem is NOT what is happening to me, it’s what I’m THINKING about what’s happening to me, and what I am FEELING about what is happening to me.”

“I now choose to focus on the solution rather than the problem, and to change from being FEARFUL and ANXIOUS, to experience my essential quality: that EFFORTLESS STRENGTH and FAITH and the  INNER GUIDANCE and COURAGE within. What would I be without that thought that I was without guidance, unsupported, abandoned? What if I was free to feel good about who I am and where I am now? What if I CAN TRUST my own INTERNAL RADAR about what to do?

I now choose to know that working on myself, and ensuring that I am the best that I can be means that I can be FULLY here. I’ve been running on adrenaline for a long time, driven by anxiety, self-punishment and self-criticism, and feeling like a victim. It’s now time to recess that committee in my head, so that I can be FULLY PRESENT to my life, available for my family. I appreciate myself for getting the help I need, and doing the work so that I can be at the highest expression of who I am.”

3. Now do 3 rounds of this affirmations to get in touch with your true nature:

“I now choose to release the conviction that I must rely on someone or something outside of myself for security.
I choose to be in touch with

my foresight and steadfastness,
my trustworthiness,
my love, loyalty and devotion to my loved ones.
my ability to bond effortlessly and create synergies with people
my ability to think independently and make the right decisions for myself

I choose to know that I am reliable, alert and independent.

I choose to be in touch with MY INNER SOVEREIGNTY and MY MINDFULNESS.
I choose to start to experience myself as being COURAGEOUS, WAKEFUL and GROUNDED.  I respect myself for the journey that I am going through, and know that I am never separate from my INNER STRENGTH and  INNER GUIDANCE.

I choose to experience the CALM, COURAGE and INNER AUTHORITY within.”

Adapted from the work of Don Riso and Russ Hudson of the Enneagram Institute